Feeling one-sided in your relationship? Here's what not to do

If you've been proactively working towards your relationship and you're making a sustained effort, whether it's planning fun, quality time together, communicating consistently, or emotionally supporting your partner, it can be disheartening to feel like that effort isn't being reciprocated. However, before you take any frustration-fueled action or make any accusations, it's worth taking a moment to explore what's really happening beneath the surface. Here five common pitfalls to watch for and to consider avoiding:

Not everyone shows effort in the exact same way 

Your way of showing effort in a relationship may be discussing things late at night, sending thoughtful texts, or acts of service but your partner may be showing they care in a different way or thinking they don’t matter to you; maybe they spend quality time or show affection differently. Look for effort versus effort that feels different than yours. Cultivate understanding to separate no effort from different effort. 

Not everyone shows effort in the exact same way (Credits: Freepik)

Relationships are never 50/50 

In reality, a relationship always ebbs and flows back and forth. Sometimes your partner may be stressed, somewhere else in the world, or didn't realize they weren't meeting your needs. So instead of expecting balance on a short-time basis, consider the relationship in weeks or months. Does it feel mutually supportive overall, or somehow are you always carrying the load?

Expecting your person to simply know will not work  

People aren’t mind readers. If something’s bothering you, simply say something! For example: “I feel like I’ve been doing more work lately—can we check in about how we’re both feeling?” You can usually get a better outcome through a respectful discussion, than with passive-aggressive comments, sadness, or whatever hints you throw at them.  

Letting resentment build will only hurt the relationship (Credits: Freepik)

 Reacting from an emotional place can cloud your understanding

Sometimes the feeling of ‘they don’t care’ comes from a deeper root of insecurities or history. Rather than reacting immediately, ask yourself, What do I need at this moment? Reassurance, clarity, support? If you have this awareness about your emotional needs, you will usually help to prepare you to communicate better.

Letting resentment build will only hurt the relationship

If you keep quiet to avoid conflict, that emotion doesn’t go away—it just turns into distance. Speaking up early, even when it’s uncomfortable, protects the relationship from long-term damage.

A mismatch in effort doesn’t always mean a lack of love. Many times  it’s just a lack of understanding. Communicate clearly, stay self-aware, and don’t be afraid to ask for what you need.