Heartbreaking way woman knew something was wrong with husband - before dementia diagnosis

A husband who was told by doctors he was living with depression - as he went to bed early and had trouble keeping a job - was later told he had dementia at the age of 38.

Despite the threat of Covid restrictions and unseasonal snow, Stefan and Sile Tankov from Northern Ireland were determined to tie the knot in April 2021 and enjoyed a "brilliant day". By September 2022, Sile, now 42, began noticing changes in Stefan's personality as he stopped asking about his wife's day and had dinner at 5pm, before then going to bed.

Sile initially thought Stefan, now 40, had depression and the GP agreed. Then during a visit to a shop, staff told the pair they were banned as he had repeatedly attempted to steal bottles of wine.

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In distress, Sile phoned her mum and called her brother, who immediately came over, . Upon seeing Stefan, he instantly sensed something was wrong. The pair went back to hospital where he had CT and MRI scans, as well as a lumbar puncture. The results were heartbreaking as Stefan was diagnosed with frontotemporal dementia.

Sile, a secondary school teacher from Lisburn, said: "I was in complete shock. Everything had been lovely. We were hoping to have a family.

"He was a very emotional person and I noticed that element not being there quite as much. He stopped asking how my day was, instead asking what's for dinner, which had to be at 5pm. As soon as he'd eaten, he'd go to bed. Once, I was in hospital and tried to explain how to visit on the bus. It wasn't complicated but he just couldn't figure it out.

"We thought it may have been causing confusion but he didn't improve. Halfway through one doctor's appointment, he got up and left. I had to bribe him with a McDonald's to come back. It was like dealing with a child. One morning I found him about to put his hands on the hob, which was bright red, to see if it was warm. He'd wander off, walk in front of cars and stare at people.

"You don't expect to find yourself buying soft toys for newborns because your 40-year-old husband has started chewing the teddy bears he needs to get to sleep and you're worried he could choke. I know the direction we're going in and nothing's going to change that. In May we were told if he's still here in six months to a year, we'll be doing well. The changes are coming quickly. He's stopped getting out of bed now, which is hard.

"It can be isolating when other people are visiting parents and grandparents, I'm visiting my husband. Sometimes I sit in the car and cry. But my family, friends, colleagues and neighbours have been supportive. I've had wonderful support from the Alzheimer's Society, Admiral Nurses and eight weeks counselling with Rare Dementia Support."

Doctors told the pair Stefan would not be able to return home. Dr Tim Beanland, Alzheimer's Society's head of knowledge and learning, said: "Dementia is the UK's biggest killer, affecting around one million people in the country. It is estimated more than 70,000 people are living with young-onset dementia, where symptoms start before age 65. They tend to experience a particularly wide range of symptoms, especially in the early stages."