The word ' reconciliation ' comes from the Latin word 'reconciliare', which means 'to make good again' or 'to restore'. For amiable living, restoration and continuation of harmony are essential. However, life is full of ups and downs, certainty and uncertainty. What's important is how we bounce back, reconcile and continue.
We are surrounded by people, situations, and environments that are ever-changing and often independent of our expectations and desires. We feel trapped in such situations against our will. As a result, we either live forcefully or quit unwillingly. Living with or quitting without paying an emotional price is acceptable. However, being immersed in grudges and complaints daily is a forceful living akin to torture. Quitting unwillingly is relinquishing, but with regret.
In living forcefully or quitting with regrets, we pay an emotional price. We undergo a sustained feeling of dissociation and despair that silently prevails within and adversely influences our emotional well-being . Overtly, things appear fine, but internally, we endure pain. This is suffering and the root cause of many ailments.
In other species, needs of hunger, safety, procreation, and shelter are the basis of reconciliation. They struggle hard to come to terms with their surroundings and live in acceptance without grudges and complaints. However, human needs are hierarchical and complex. Higher needs are a source of motivation and restlessness. Human beings can imagine, anticipate the future, proactively think and forecast growth. This potential instils a sense of doership and is the source of the secondary or acquired self, the ego.
During childhood, in response to society and family, we develop mechanisms to cope. These mechanisms become our conditioned and deep-rooted behaviour, which constitutes yet another source of the secondary self, with which we identify, feel comfortable, and find it easy to respond to external challenges. However, we do not always get a favourable outcome. We repeatedly face the choice between forcing ourselves to live with or giving up.
Living with or quitting is not problematic, but being unable to free ourselves from the sustained feeling of despair is. Reconciliation, therefore, must happen at two levels, firstly that of ego, secondary self, with Self and subsequently with Others. On the contrary, we attempt to come to terms with others before coming to terms with the Self. Hence, we desperately engage in changing people and situations around us.
Self, with which we came into the world, was free, untainted and pure. But we erroneously took the secondary self for real. The secondary self, with which we deeply identify, is also the cause of suffering.
Reconciliation is not about living forcefully or escaping, but instead being in the situation, in full command, yet being flexible and accepting without resentment or blame towards oneself or others. Things may not turn up as we expect, yet we remain confident, hopeful and responsible.
What is essential is not to suffer the sustained feeling of despair or regret. For this, a healthy ego, based on awareness, is necessary. As we reconcile with our inner Self, we gain awareness, attain peace, balance, and equanimity, and our responses to external situations and vagaries of life undergo a quantum change.
Authored by: Dhurva Bhargava
We are surrounded by people, situations, and environments that are ever-changing and often independent of our expectations and desires. We feel trapped in such situations against our will. As a result, we either live forcefully or quit unwillingly. Living with or quitting without paying an emotional price is acceptable. However, being immersed in grudges and complaints daily is a forceful living akin to torture. Quitting unwillingly is relinquishing, but with regret.
In living forcefully or quitting with regrets, we pay an emotional price. We undergo a sustained feeling of dissociation and despair that silently prevails within and adversely influences our emotional well-being . Overtly, things appear fine, but internally, we endure pain. This is suffering and the root cause of many ailments.
In other species, needs of hunger, safety, procreation, and shelter are the basis of reconciliation. They struggle hard to come to terms with their surroundings and live in acceptance without grudges and complaints. However, human needs are hierarchical and complex. Higher needs are a source of motivation and restlessness. Human beings can imagine, anticipate the future, proactively think and forecast growth. This potential instils a sense of doership and is the source of the secondary or acquired self, the ego.
During childhood, in response to society and family, we develop mechanisms to cope. These mechanisms become our conditioned and deep-rooted behaviour, which constitutes yet another source of the secondary self, with which we identify, feel comfortable, and find it easy to respond to external challenges. However, we do not always get a favourable outcome. We repeatedly face the choice between forcing ourselves to live with or giving up.
Living with or quitting is not problematic, but being unable to free ourselves from the sustained feeling of despair is. Reconciliation, therefore, must happen at two levels, firstly that of ego, secondary self, with Self and subsequently with Others. On the contrary, we attempt to come to terms with others before coming to terms with the Self. Hence, we desperately engage in changing people and situations around us.
Self, with which we came into the world, was free, untainted and pure. But we erroneously took the secondary self for real. The secondary self, with which we deeply identify, is also the cause of suffering.
Reconciliation is not about living forcefully or escaping, but instead being in the situation, in full command, yet being flexible and accepting without resentment or blame towards oneself or others. Things may not turn up as we expect, yet we remain confident, hopeful and responsible.
What is essential is not to suffer the sustained feeling of despair or regret. For this, a healthy ego, based on awareness, is necessary. As we reconcile with our inner Self, we gain awareness, attain peace, balance, and equanimity, and our responses to external situations and vagaries of life undergo a quantum change.
Authored by: Dhurva Bhargava
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